Humorous Hodgepodge
Here's my spot for amusing text, whatever form it may take. The first two pieces are song lyrics and the third one is a clip from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I have also added some text from God Emperor of Dune.
GREENSLEEVES II
-Anonymous
Alas, my lady you've done me dirt
You've sewn green sleeves to my purple shirt
And then you've done me worse than that
You1ve made me go out and wear it
Oh, Oh, what a dismal fate
To be seen at events in this terrible state
Oh, how I wish I could come late
Say, seven ***** after it's over
***** - 1st: days, 2nd: weeks, 3rd: months, 4th: years, 5th: centuries
Alas, my lady I'm born to lose
You've sewn pink bows to my purple shoes
You've done my hair up in waves and curls
My mother thinks I'm a girl
Alas, my lady why did you think
My cloak would look nice in that shade of pink
You've decked me over in bobbins and lace
My costume's become a disgrace
Alas, my lady I've been bereaved
Someone's just slandered my beautiful sleeve
He's questioned my taste in every way
My God, he said, I must be gay
Alas, my lady you've done me wrong
You've made my tunic much too long
You've made it seven feet, ten inches, or more....
It drags across the floor!
A GRAZING MACE
-Anonymous
tune: "Amazing Grace"
verses 1-5 by Skald-Brandr Toralfsson
verse 6 is the original anonymous creation
verse 7 from the HOPSFA Hymnal 3rd Edition
A grazing mace, how sweet the sound, that felled my foe for me
I bashed his head, he struck the ground, and thus came victory
My mace has taught my foes to fear, that mace my fear relieved
How precious did my mace appear, when I my mace received
Through many tourneys wars and fairs, I have already come
My mace has brought me safe thus far, my mace will bring me home
The King has promised good to me, his word my hope secures
I will his shield and weapon be, when he gives me my spurs
And when my mace my foeman nails, that mortal strife shall cease
And we'll possess within our pale, a life of joy and peace
A grazing mace, how sweet the sound that flattened a wretch like thee!
whose head is flat, that once was round; done in by my mace....and me!
A grazing mace, how sweet the sound that smites a foe like thee
You're left there lying on the ground, you've left the field to me!
Joel: C'mon you two, quite clowning around. Get out here, it's time to do our chores.
Crow: Never!
Servo: We are not allowed to fraternize with the hu-man.
Crow: HEHehehe!
Joel: oh hi everybody, my name's Joel, welcome to the satellite of love, and my two
robots, Tom and Crow are currently hiding out from me in their super-secret
chocolate-fudgy cardboard batcave.
Crow and Servo: [laugh]
Joel: you guys this is your creator speaking, [pause] and I would like you to come out
[pause] and start cleaning the [pause] load pan bay [pause] if that's not to much
to ask.
Crow: Ahh...Sorry, Mr. Crow and Mr. Servo are not in right now. I can get you a copy
of their manifesto which clearly states no bejumpsuited humans are allowed on the
premises. Thank you.
Joel: I happen to have a manifesto here, Crow, that it states you guys better get your
little metal hinders out here, or...uh there's gonna be some real trouble.
Servo: Ooo...Grr! [laugh] So be it, Joel, but we'll have you know we are neobutites, who
have abandoned the wicked ways of your filthy technology!
Crow: Yeah! We even hate ourselves! Anarchy! Anarchy!
Servo and Crow: [maniacal laughter]
Joel: Guys, you listen, you better get out here by commercial sign, or there's just gonna
real trouble, that's all I can say.
Magic Voice: Commercial sign in 5...4...3...2...Commercial sign now
Servo and Crow: [heard in background making annoying little sounds]
Joel: We'll be right back...
[little clip of music]
"What a marvelous creature, this Hwi Noree, he thought. She appeared the epitome of goodness, obviously bred and conditioned for this quality by her Ixian masters with their careful calculation of the effect this would have on the God Emperor. Out of his thronging ancestral memories, Leto could see her as an idealized nun, kindly and self-sacrificing, all sincerity. It was her most basic nature, the place where she lived. She found it easiest to be truthful and open, capable of shading this only to prevent pain for others. He saw this latter trait as the deepest change the Bene Gesserit had been able to effect in her. Hwi's real manner remained outgoing, sensitive and naturaly sweet. Leto could find little sense of manipulative calculation in her. She appeared immediately responsive and wholesome, excelent at listning (another Bene Gesserit attribute). There was nothing openly seductive about her, yet this very fact made her proufoundly seductive to Leto." "It came to Leto that if she could change places with him, take up his burden, she would offer herself. The fact that she could not do this added to her pain. She was intelligence built on profound sensitivity, without any of Malky's hedonistic weaknesses. She was frightning in her perfection. Everything about her reaffirmed his awareness that she was precisely the kind of woman who, if he had grown to normal manhood, he would have wanted (No! Demanded!) as his mate. And the Ixians knew it. "Leave me now," he whispered."
